The Attack of the Mary Sue
by Synonymous Brian
Summary: A girl comes to the Black Order! Who is she? Why is she so unrealistically perfect? Why are all the guys falling in love with her? Is Lenalee the only one who is sane? Could she be... a MARY SUE? A parody of your average DGM Mary sue fic. R&R please!


A/N: Hi there! This idea came to me after reading a whole bunch of Mary sue parody fics in other categories, so I thought, hey, why not D. Gray-man? After all, there has been quite a lot of Mary-sue fics lately, and it's seriously pissing me off, did you notice that nearly all of them are Noah or at least half Noah? Jeez… Anyways, I apologize in advance if this offends anyone in any way, don't take it seriously, Mary sues really annoy me and I had to do this for fun! Oh yeah, and the males are OOC in this fic but simply because they are under the Mary-sue's evil influence. Please, read and enjoy!

Disclaimer: It all belongs to the marvelous Katsura Hoshino! Except for my disgusting Mary sue, Michiko Anelililia Masquarado Anya Masumi Bulimia XD

Allen Walker sighed, walking briskly toward the kitchen, hoping to get an evening snack. He had recently recovered an innocence fragment in Spain with Lavi and had given it to Hevlaska. He heard quick footsteps running behind him and turned to see who it was.

"Welcome home, Allen-kun!" Lenalee Lee chimed.

"I'm back," Allen smiled warmly, always glad to hear those words.

"There's somebody at the gate! It's most likely a new exorcist! Come to see with me won't you?" she asked, grabbing his hand, not waiting for an answer and pulling him along to the science section.

"Um, sure Lenalee," said Allen, following her down a corridor and through a pair of double doors.

"Nii-san!" Lenalee said upon entering the room, walking to the image that the golems had projected, still grasping Allen's hand, looking at the girl who stood outside, "Is this the one who could possibly be an exorcist?"

The members of the science section quickly gathered around the two exorcists, gasping at the sight of the girl. She had the most beautiful, pristine blue eyes, lovely golden curls cascading lightly down her back and a body with all the curves in the right places. Her face was of pure perfection, her whole entire being was.

"She's beautiful!" Allen exclaimed, not caring what others thought.

"Allen-kun," said Lenalee, a little surprised at his sudden outburst.

He ignored her completely, as did everyone else, "I… I think I'm in love!" the young exorcist shouted.

Lenalee furrowed her eyebrows and frowned, "Eh? But you haven't even actually met her!"

They ignored her again, "You can't be in love with her! I'm in love with her!" Reever cried passionately.

"No I am!" said Johnny Gill.

"No way! There's no way anyone can be in love with her! I won't allow it! She shall become the perfect little sister I never had!" yelled Komui.

"Eh? Nii-san! You already have a little sister! Me!" Lenalee shouted, now more than pissed off at her idiotic comrades and brother.

The girl outside grinned, "Hi, I'm Michiko Anelililia Masquarado Anya Masumi Bulimia-chan! But you can just call me Michi-chan! General Cloud Nine sent me here because I'm an exorcist now! Please let me in?" She asked, smiling in a way that could make any boy's stomach flip in a pleasant way.

Lenalee grumbled something about being overly cute, then Allen practically screamed right in her ear, "She's so adorable! It makes my heart skip a beat just looking at her!"

"I know!"

"Quick! Gatekeeper! Let her in! Let her in!"

"Her voice is so melodic!"

Allen grabbed Reever's intercom thing and said passionately, "Oh, speak again bright angel!"

Michiko blinked up at the golem and smiled that charming smile again, "Well, I have golden blonde hair that shimmers like crystals in the sunlight, eyes as blue as the deepest sea, I'm 16 years old, I'm 166cm tall, I weigh 48kg, my birthday is on February 20th, I'm a Pisces and blood type is B!" she said, all annoyingly peppy.

Lenalee rolled her eyes, crossing her arms.

"Inspection!" the Gatekeeper yelled, looking her up and down. Everyone waited and watched expectantly. "NO! She has the mark of the Noah on her forehead! It pains me to say that she's out! Out!" Gatekeeper began to sob.

"WHAT!?" all the males in the room exclaimed.

"There has to be a mistake! No one as beautifully angelic as that could be a Noah!" Reever shouted into his intercom, "Let her in!"

"But-"The Gatekeeper started but was interrupted by Michiko.

She had her hand up to her mouth and looked to be choking back tears, "I-I'm so sorry, I-I didn't mean to cause so much trouble!" with her other hand she brushed back her beautiful blonde hair, where there was indeed the cross markings of the Noah on her forehead, "Th-the truth is, when I was born, my parents were killed by Akuma, I was put in a horrible orphanage where they only gave us water to eat and beat us for no reason. But then, when I was about 6 the mark of the Noah appeared on my forehead and the Millennium Earl came, told me that I was special and whisked me away. I am the Noah of Love and Beauty with the power of controlling the elements. I never liked the Earl; I hated how he would trick innocent, grieving people into helping him create those horridly disgusting Akuma! So I ran away at the age of seven, living on the streets of London by myself until General Cloud Nine found me and I reacted with innocence. My anti-akuma weapon is a katana! Even though I'm a Noah, General Nine taught me how to be an exorcist and now, I finally have the courage to come here, a-and you-you-" she gave a sniff and began to cry.

"No! Bright angel, don't cry!" yelled Tapp Dopp.

"Even as those crystalline, pearly tears are rolling down her perfect, unblemished cheeks, she's still as beautiful as ever!" said Allen.

"What the hell!?" Lenalee shrieked, now beside herself with annoyance, "She's such an idiot! Noah are human aren't they!? She could've just turned into her human form and Gatekeeper wouldn't have noticed anything! And who ever heard of being both an exorcist and a Noah at the same time!" she said, anger marks appearing all over her head, but it seemed to have been the wrong thing to say as every eye in the room turned to glare at her.

"Lenalee!" Allen yelled, "How dare you call her an idiot! I thought you would be kind and compassionate especially after hearing her horrible, terrible, abusive past! I think you're the idiot here!"

"What?! Me?! You have got to be joking Allen-kun! All of you people haven't even met the girl and you're all drooling over her already! I think it is clear who the idiot is here!" she shouted.

Allen blushed but said, "So what if I drooled a bit! She's not only beautiful, she's special! She's both a Noah and an exorcist and on top of that she has a wonderful speaking voice, and a dark and torturous past! I think that's enough to fall in love!"

Lenalee seethed. _That idiot! Doesn't he know anything!?_

"Ano, please," the girl outside sniffed, "Please, don't fight over me, and I know that even though I am a Noah, you can trust me! I'm on your side! Please let me in! It's so cold outside!" she shivered a bit to add emphasis, hugging herself.

"GATEKEEPER!!! Open the door this instant! The poor girl is freezing out there!" Komui yelled, and immediately the grand gates opened, letting Michiko in.

"It's summer time! How can it be cold outside!?" screeched Lenalee, her face was all red with extreme annoyance.

"Lenalee, go down to give her a proper welcome!" he older brother barked.

"Why me?!"

"Because I need to make myself presentable and I don't trust any males to go down there! Who knows what they could do to her? Now go!"

"Eh? But-"

"I'll go with her!" Allen offered excitedly, "I am after all only fifteen years old! There's no way I could harm her in any way!" He smiled innocently.

Komui sighed, "Fine you two can go, but if anything happens to my new, adorable little sister, I'll kill you! Understand?"

"Yes sir!" Allen said eagerly, saluting him and raced out of the room, Lenalee at his heels, rolling her eyes while the science section members shouted protests.

The young exorcist was so excited about meeting the Mary s- er, I mean girl, that he practically dived over the railing, (y'know that place in the center of the Black Order) falling six stories in his stupidity. "Allen-kun!" Lenalee cried, quickly activating her Dark Boots and grabbing his collar before he met the ground, "Are you alright?"

Allen ignored her, "Where's the angel!? I need to meet the angel!" he said wildly, struggling in her grip to find Michiko.

"Ok, ok!" said Lenalee exasperatedly, letting go of his collar and allowing him drop to the ground, he quickly took off to the main hall stopping right in front of Michiko who had been looking around worriedly.

"You found me!" she cried, jumping and wrapping her arms around Allen's neck, nearly making him fall over.

"Huh?" Allen asked, blushing furiously while more than three anger marks appeared on Lenalee's forehead as she glared at the pair.

"I was so lost! You're my savior! Please, please, never leave my side again!" the Mar- um, I mean girl said.

"Of course, I won't ev-" but Allen was cut off by Lenalee who had grabbed Michiko's arm and wrenched it off of Allen's neck.

"Don't freak out, we're in the main entrance, you knew someone was going to come for you, so stop looking for excuses to flirt with the males." Lenalee said shortly, _god, she's annoying! _

Her lip began to quiver, and tears filled her eyes, "B-but it was so-so dark and creepy! And when he," she gestured to Allen, "came, I thought he was an angel, his white hair was so dazzling a-and I just couldn't help myself," she began to sob, "I didn't mean to steal your boyfriend!"

"W-wait-" Lenalee started as Allen quickly wrapped his arms around the Mary-sue who cried into his chest. Oops, I meant girl. Never mind, anyways, Allen shot a hateful glower at Lenalee who cringed slightly.

"How dare you reprimand her in that way! She was alone and scared and lost, you bitch!" he yelled.

Lenalee's jaw dropped and her eyes widened, she had known Allen for nearly a year and it was totally out of his character to say something like that to her. This was not the polite, gentle Allen-kun she knew! What the hell happened to him? In utter complete shock, she said slowly, "A-Allen-kun, d-d-did you j-just call me a …?"

Right at that moment, Lavi walked in, yawning after just waking up from his nap, "Hey Allen, Lenalee, who's that wi- STRIKE!!!" he screamed, scrambling to Michiko, hearts in his eye, "You're so my type! I'm in love!" he exclaimed.

Michiko smiled at him, "You're cute," and let go of Allen, "and hot too," she latched onto his arm, "wanna go out?"

"YE-"

"No way!" Allen yelled, grabbing the Mary sue, "I saw her first! She's mine!"

"But she asked ME to go out with her, Moyashi!" Lavi said, glaring at his friend suddenly turned rival, and holding Michiko back in his arms.

"Who cares? She said I was her savior! So she's MY girlfriend!" Allen declared, clutching her back.

"No, she's mine!" said Lavi, grabbing her arm and pulling her to him.

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"Ow you're hurting me! Please stop!" she cried, regret quickly spread across Allen and Lavi's faces.

"I'm so sorry!"

"Are you ok?"

"Where are you hurt?"

"Tell me, bright angel!"

As the two boys fussed and worried over her pale delicate body, Michiko glanced at the still shocked Lenalee and gave her a wicked smile, sticking her tongue out at her, as if to say _Ha! They're mine now!_

Anger and confusion spread across Lenalee's face again and she screamed, "THIS…. IS… MADNESS!"

A/N: Well, there you have it! The first chapter of 'The Mary-sue'! This is of course in no offence to any of the Suethors, and if Michiko happens to STRONGLY resemble any of your OCs, then I am terribly sorry, for rest assured, it's just a coincidence. The reason why Allen, Lavi and the others except Lenalee are so OOC is because they are under the Mary-Sue's evil influence! This is merely a fun parody I did in my spare time. Oh yeah, and I got that 'This… is… madness!' thing from 300, y'know with the, 'This… is… Sparta!' Just imagine Lenalee saying it like that XD Anyways, remember to review! Constructive criticism is always appreciated! Just no flaming!


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